Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Dooms Day

It's Saturday morning and I have everything packed and ready to go. I grab my gym bag and cup of coffee and head out the door. As I'm walking to class I feel really good, no funny feeling in my tummy and no weird noises going on. That's a good sign right? I finish off my coffee and toss my cup in the trash before I walk inside.
At the counter I sign my name on the sheet that is marked beginners. I look up at the girl behind the counter and wait for her to tell me what to do next. She smiles at me.....I smile back at her. Her smile widens and keeps widening making her cheeks poof up and her eyes disappear behind her round framed glasses. I look around to see if anyone else finds this as weird as I do. No one seems to notice so I clear my throat and ask her where I need to go. Her smile dissipates and she points to the only other room in the building. I nod and jog to the door with my head down and cheeks burning from embarrassment.
I walk into the room and see that everyone has their yoga mat spread out and doing what I think is deep breathing. I find a spot open in the back next to a blond girl who is laying flat on her back with all her limbs spread out around her. I snap open my mat and it makes a loud popping sound, which makes the blond jump. She rolls on to her side and smiles up at me lazily. I smile back and give an apologetic wave and then plop down on my mat next to her. She rolls back over and I hear what could possibly be a small fart. I look at her and she doesn't acknowledge that anything happened so I shrug it off as a sound her mat made when she rolled over.
I start to relax, close my eyes, and begin deep breathing like everyone else. Then it happens. My stomach gurgles. My eyes pop open. It gurgles again and I can feel it try to make its way out! NO! My morning coffee habit has ruined me! I didn't even think when I was chugging down my coffee! I'm not at ease with my gas like the blond girl. I can't just let it go without giggling or trying to pass it off as someones fart besides my own. So I do the only thing I could do. I grab my stuff and sprint all the way home.
I always did think running was a better exercise!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Dressed to Impress

I went out and bought some new yoga gear last night. I got a pair of those tight yoga pants and a sports bra, it's what the website recommended to get. I also bought a new mat, gym bag, towel and water bottle. That way I will feel confident when I walk into the studio. And if,well lets face it, when I do fart, at least I know I will do it looking good. My plan is to drink water all day today and to stay away from broccoli. To at least cut down on the gas. It's going to be hard too because I just made some veggie dip.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Have you ever been afraid to try something new for fear you will utterly embarrass yourself? That is how I feel about yoga. I have wanted to take a class for quite some time now but haven't gone for fear that I would fart mid pose and clear the room out. I have done research and even asked yoga masters if there have been accidental gas releases during class. All the answers I have found led me to believe that this is a natural occurrence. Even the yoga masters that I have talked to said there is nothing to worry about. They say that the class is so focused on the movements that no one notices the gas.
They obviously have not heard or smelt any of my farts, especially after I have eaten broccoli. Any way, after talking to many yoga goers, I have convinced myself to take a class. They say that the benefits from doing yoga far out weigh my little fear of embarrassment. Lets hope they are right.

I signed up for a class that starts Saturday morning. I'll let you know how it goes....

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

My book

My favorite author has just started a new series and the first book comes out today. I have been at the book store for over an hour looking for it but, it’s no where in sight. I feel like I’m on a scavenger hunt and have to find all the clues before I get the prize.

1. Locate book store. Check.

2. Find the Fiction section of the book store. Check.

3. Once you are in the Fiction section, and have located the R’s for the author’s name you will find the book missing, at this point, find a Sales Associate.

I’m stuck on number three. Apparently there is no one working today. The only person I see is the young teenage girl serving coffee in the coffee shop. I start to walk around pretending to know where I’m going, hoping that I will accidentally find the book.

Ok seriously, if you don’t have the book you should really take down the posters telling everyone that you do! And if you won’t take the posters down it would be really nice to have at least one sales person to let people know that you are out of the book! I mean come on! I am leaving this book store! They will never get my money again! Wait, is that, oh my gosh! There it is on a display and only one copy is left! I take off in a skip/run. Out of the corner of my eye I see another girl running towards the display. I pick my pace up and break into a full sprint. I have to have this book! I reach out my hand to grab it just as she swings her massive purse to knock my hand away. The surprise attack of her bag knocks me off my feet and I fall to the ground right in front of the display. I look up to see her picking up the book with a smile on her face. “NO!” I hear myself shout. She looks down surprised to see me on the floor.

“Oh my goodness, are you alright?”

I start to pout but then remember I’m not a five year old. “Yeah” I realize I’m still sprawled out on the floor. She offers her hand to help me up. I stand up straighten my shirt, “This is my favorite author and I have been looking for this book for over an hour.” I tell her with a pleasant smile hoping she will feel bad and hand over the book. She doesn’t. Instead she says, “Really? Me too! How crazy is that? I was just about to leave when I saw the display and ran over here like a mad woman.” I give her a half hearted laugh. She says to me, “Look I’m really sorry about knocking you over. I didn’t even realize I did it until you yelled. I feel so bad.” She rummages through her massive purse and pulls out a card. “Here let me make it up to you. I’m late for a meeting now, but call me and I’ll buy you a coffee.”

I look at the card and back at her. Does she think this is a consolation prize for the book? “Thanks. I’ll give you a call.” Yeah right I think.

“Great!” She walks off with my book in her hand. I feel the tears start to build up behind my eyes as I realize I have to wait for the next shipment to come in before I get the book. I start to walk away feeling defeated when I hear, “Miss? There are more books on the other side of the display.” I turn around to see the teenage coffee girl pointing to the other side. I give her a hug and grab the book. Now it’s officially the best day ever!