Great news!

Good news about my dad! The doctors said at this point it would be more of a risk to do surgery than to leave the tumor in there! Dad will do another MRI in 6 months to see if there is any change and then they sent him home. With that, I hope everyone has a great Christmas!

I'm working on my latest story now and will post at the start of the new year.

-Cori

Update

Hello Everyone.

My family has been going through some hard times and that is why I have been slacking on my stories so much lately. My dad has an appointment with the doctors at the Mayo clinic this week. They have told us that if you are going to have brain cancer, dad has the one you want because it rarely causes any harm. Good news there!

I have a new story in mind and hopefully will be starting at the first of the year, as long as things with my dad go well. *fingers crossed*

Thanks and have a wonderful Christmas!

-Cori

What did she just say?

She woke up in a great mood. She new this was going to be a pretty good day. So far she woke up on time, her hair was cooperating and did what she wanted it to. Even her make up looked flawless. She picked out a cute outfit: Black leggings, red and white stripe shirt, black boots, and a black cardigan. She looked in the mirror and felt a little like a pirate but thought it fit her mood and went to work with a bounce in her step.

The day continued to go smooth. A coworker had brought in donuts and coffee. She helped her self to two donuts. They didn't mean a thing to her diet. She considered this as a reward for doing so well on her workouts lately.

Lunch came and again she treated herself, a veggie pizza with extra cheese and black olives with a soda. She was still hungry so she went back and treated herself to some cheesy bread sticks as well. Feeling stuffed and happy she went back to work.

As she was walking back to her desk a lady smiled at her and pointed to her shirt. She thought she just liked her cool piratey outfit so she gave her a thumbs up and smiled back. The lady came closer and whispered her congratulations. The girl was confused, for it really wasn't that hard to pick out a cool outfit. So she looked at the lady and asked what she meant. The lady then became uncomfortable and asked her if she was pregnant or not. The girls eyes grew wide and she looked down at her stomach. She sucked in her tummy and told the lady that indeed she most certainly was not pregnant and stormed away from her.

Once she was in the safety of her cubical she looked down at her stomach again and patted it, feeling upset and mad. She was never going to wear that shirt again for one thing. And no more treats! She also decided that she need to work more on her core workouts and get rid of that little pooch she had. This will be the last time that someone mistakes her for being pregnant!

Happy Halloween!

I get to the party and the first thing I see is a big bowl of candy. I head in the opposite direction, no need to see if Cherry Mash's are there. I see a few people from the spin class and wave but they must not recognize me in my costume because they don't stop their conversation to say hi.

I see Lucy in her costume and I have to admit, she looks really good. She has a helmet, bike gloves, and of course her spandex short outfit on. She even made a cardboard bike to carry around with her. Some guy in a Popeye costume is talking to her. He looks kind of goofy but she seems to be enjoying his company.

I mosey around the room trying to find someone to talk to. I end up at that dang candy bowl. She has cherry mash's, one won't hurt me. I pick one up and put it in my mouth. The chocolate melts and turns into this wonderful chocolaty sweet cherry goo. I must have another! I dive in without hesitation and grab a handful.

Someone pokes me with an knife and I try to scream. I say try because my mouth is still full. I drop all the candies on the floor and jump. The masked man holding the knife starts to laugh and I reach to smack him but his hand comes up to shake mine. He takes off his Michael Myers mask and I'm pleased to see it's the trainer. He introduces himself as Simone. I tell him I know who he is and he gives me a strange look. Then he points to Popeye. I realize that Popeye and this Micheal Myers look strangely alike. He nods and tells me that Popeye is his twin brother. We end up talking all night and have a lot in common. I look over at Lucy and see that she is trying to ditch Popeye but he keeps following her. Looks like Lucy was tricked and that I got the treat tonight!

GREAT HERA!

She doesn’t want to admit it to herself but she is freaking out about the Halloween party. She is afraid that she will be left alone, standing in the corner in her Wonder Woman costume, stuffing her face with candy all night. And if she does end up doing that, she’ll look like Ms Piggy dressed in a Wonder Woman costume and not the sexy temptress she has worked so hard to look like these past few months. Then the hot trainer will see her cottage cheese thighs in spandex and run away screaming and find comfort in the strong, lean arms of Lucy.

She is hoping Lucy doesn’t stock up on her favorite candy, Cherry Mash’s. They aren’t a fan favorite by any means but, she doesn’t know if Lucy secretly likes them as well. She can eat those all day and not get tired of them. If by some off chance her and Lucy have twin taste in candy, she is seriously going to have to use some Wonder Woman will power to stay away from them.

And what if Silver Swan shows up and tries to kill Wonder Woman again? Will Wonder Woman be too busy stuffing Cherry Mash’s in her mouth that she won’t be able to defend herself? Then she will end up a dead cottage cheese mess in spandex!

All these thoughts are making her change her mind about going to the party. She puts on the Wonder Woman costume to see if it’s even worth going. Once she has the costume on, a transformation happens. She feels strong, confident, and beautiful! She put on the gold cuffs and started flexing her arms in the mirror. Then she puts on the tall red boots and starts prancing around strutting her stuff. “Watch out Silver Swan! Wonder Woman will kick you Cherry Mash Butt!” She sneers at herself in the mirror. Then the crown goes on her head and she hears a choir of angels sing and a light beams down on her. Right then and there she makes a choice. She will be going to that party and she will stay away from the lonely corner and candy eating Miss Piggy. Because she is Wonder Woman, GREAT HERA!

What's a girl to do....

Lucy, the blond yoga chick, has invited the entire Spin Class to her Halloween Party. I think she secretly wants an excuse to dress slutty for the trainer, but what do I care? So do I.

It’s all the class can talk about when I walk in this morning. Everyone is asking what they are wearing and all I can hear is Cat woman, Snow White, and Slutty Nurse being shouted out so no one will steal those ideas. I hear Lucy say she wants to dress as Joane Somarriba, one of the top women cyclists. Clearly she has done her research to impress our trainer, but that’s not a very cute costume. I mean sure, it’s all spandex and she has the body of Greek Goddess, but who wants to see… yeah OK she will look amazing.

So now I have to top Lucy, the Greek Goddess, in spandex. What can I be that is smart but cute? A pumpkin, no, Slutty Pumpkin? Possibly. What about an Angel? I would like to change it up a bit, I mean I’m an Angel everyday of my life! OK sorry ha ha, I’ll move on. Maybe I can be a paramedic so that when Lucy “falls off her bike” I can come to the rescue! Muahahaa….I think a devil costume might work for me this year…..Well I have a few days to think about it at least…..

One last good bye...

She can barely see the road because the tears are falling more rapidly now than before. It doesn’t bother her though; she’s driven this road all her life. This is the road home for her. She is usually excited to go home and see her family, but this time it's different. This time it won’t be to say hello and receive hugs, this time it will be to say her final good bye.
She still can’t believe the phone call she received. When she heard that her dad had passed away she went into shock. She couldn’t breathe or feel her body. It was as if she were dead too. All she could feel were the hot salty tears running down her checks. She just sat there gripping the phone until her knuckles were white. She doesn’t even remember hanging up the phone, packing, or walking to the car, but there she is, driving home.
She rolls down the windows thinking that the cool Autumn air would help clear her head, all it did was bring back memories. She started to remember the time they went snow skiing. The breeze was crisp and clean smelling, just like it is now. When they were on the ski lift as a kid she took the deepest breath she could. Her dad looked over, smiled, and put his arm around her. That was one of the best days they spent together on the mountain.
She noticed the song that was playing on the radio. It made her smile; it’s the song that her dad would listen to when he had had a bad day. She really listened to the words for the first time and she realized why it made him happy. The words are as follow, “I say a little prayer for you. Forever and ever you stay in my heart and oh how I love you. Forever and ever you never will part I will always love you. Together forever that’s how it must be to live without you…” It’s a little cheesy but it makes her smile and she begins to sing along, but she can’t handle it and ends up turning the radio off.
She comes to a bridge and yet another memory is resurrected. This is the river that they went canoeing on. She pulls her car over to the side of the road and walks to the edge of the bridge. She closes her eyes and listens to the rushing water. She smiles and opens her eyes again and sees a canoe. She hears the scared, but excited scream from the little girl and the husky laughter coming from the father. He is the one doing all the work so that they won’t tip over, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He just sits there enjoying the time he is spending with his daughter. As they go under the bridge she turns to watch them round the corner, but they don’t come out. She starts to get worried, but then realizes it's just another memory of her father.
She slowly turns around with a sad smile and walks back to the car. She finds it really hard to walk; her whole body feels like it is full of lead. Finally she gets to the car door, and as she sits down the tears are falling again. She sits in the car for awhile trying to regain control.
She drives the next ten miles in a trance. She doesn’t even remember turning onto the correct exits. Then she sees the sign that states there is only thirty miles left before she reaches home.
She dreaded seeing that sign. That sign means there is no turning back. It’s finally hitting her that she will never see her dad again. She will no longer get that phone call once a month from him asking how she is doing. She realizes that she will never again see his warming smile at Christmas time, or see him in his favorite blue shirt, or smell his woodsy cologne when he gives her a hug. No not now, she can’t turn around now, not when she has come so far to say her final good bye.
She was driving too fast and was now sitting at the stoplight that marks one mile until she's in town. Instead of driving the posted speed limit of fifty-five she slows down to twenty-five, anything to prolong the moment of saying goodbye.
As she drives into town, she takes a look around. She sees the changing colors of the leaves, hears the birds, and smells the burning of wood. For a moment she feels at peace.
She pulls into the driveway, instead of getting out right away, she just sits in her car so she can listen to everything around her. Everything is still, like the whole world was dead.
Finally she gets out and walks to the front door. Before she can even step foot on the door step her mother is there embracing her in a fierce hug. They stand there crying together before they go say their final good bye together.

Update.

Hi everyone. I just wanted to let you know that life has been a little hectic as of late and that is why I haven't posted. I will start back up the first of October so don't stop reading just yet!

Have a great day!

-Cori

Eavesdrop is such a harsh word....

I decided to skip the spin class today, see if Mr Hottie notices that I'm gone. Instead, I have opted to go my favorite coffee cafe. It's in a quaint little area located in the Art District. Actually, I'll be honest with you, my friend called me this morning and told me to meet her here because she had some juicy gossip. So, here I am sipping my mocha waiting patiently for her.

While I'm waiting I start to people watch. This is one of the reasons I like to come here, there are so many interesting people. For example, at the table that is caddy corner to me there is a couple of college students looking at an art book. This in itself is not that interesting, but if you look closer at the book you will notice that it is actually a Kama Sutra book. Now, they very well could be looking at this ancient Indian text to study human sexual behavior but, I'm speculating they are picking out what they want to do later tonight.

I take a sip of my mocha and look to my left. Over here we have two guys that are in a deep discussion about which band they think has the best album of the year so far. One says, "Animal Collective is great because there is absolutely no one else that sounds like them, and by the time everyone else starts to catch up, they are doing something different. I'd also like to add that when I stare at the animal collective album cover on my computer, it appears to be moving and that is cool." The other guys retorts with, "I'm really digging Bat for Lashes new album because it's got a very 80's vibe to it, but she does it very well and the songs are well written." This intrigues me and I reach for my notebook to write this down. But right now I totally agree with the other guy, Animal Collective's song, My Girls, is awesome.

As I'm writing down the reminder for myself I hear someone behind me say, "These boots? Oh I got these on Etsy for only twenty five dollars!" What did she just say? Twenty five dollar boots? I turn my head around to get a glimpse of them because they can't be that cute if they are only twenty five dollars. Holy cow! Those are amazing! She goes on to say, "I couldn't believe they were giving them away for that cheap!"

This is why I love coming here. You find out a lot of great stuff when you people watch! OK, you might say that this is actually called eavesdropping, but really why waste all this valuable information?

I pull out my laptop and bring up Etsy. I hear her tell her friend what vendor she found them under and that there are a few pairs left and she might be able to get them as well. I look through the pages and spot the boot. The description tells me: Tall riding boot with buckle strap detailing. Rich premium leather; low stacked heel; leather sole with rubber strike; padded footbed. Priced for $25, Limited time offer. I hit the buy button and smile. I really do love this cafe.

Dance as if no one is watching....

Authors note: Before reading please press play on the song. *there are 2 songs to listen to* Enjoy!

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

It's Friday evening and she just got home from work. She walks in her front door, takes a deep breath, and smiles. She is feeling the best she has in awhile and has decided to go out with friends. Instead of resting, like most people would before a night out on the town, she turns on her ipod and pushes the volume up full blast. A Daft Punk song comes on, Around the World, and she begins to dance to the music.

She starts off swaying her hips from side to side. Then she makes her head bobble around like a bobble head doll. After bobble heading for a bit, she draws her arms up into a 90 degree angle and then the robot ensues. She moves her body around the room in robotic movements. She moves so mechanically that it looks effortless. Her legs move slow and meticulously. Her arms are stiff and straight as she moves them up and down. She holds one arm down in a 90 degree angle and swings it back and forth making it look broken. She then pretends to power herself off and stands still just for a moment.

Then she busts into the running man. She abruptly stops to drop it low. She pops back up and wiggles her hips as she turns around in an awkward circle as the song says around the world. She raises her arms in the air and makes circular motions and moves her feet up and down all while bobbing her head to the beat of the music. Then she brings her hands down around her face and starts Vogueing. Each time she frames her face she looks in the mirror to give herself a funny face. Vogue, tongue out. Vogue, eyes crossed. Vogue, Zoolander!

She keeps dancing like this for a few more songs until Duffy comes on with Syrup and Honey. When she hears Duffy, she grabs her hair brush to use as a microphone and belts out the lyrics along with her. She holds the brush fiercely and acts as if she is in a club singing to an audience. She stands in the middle of her room and really gets into the song, squeezing her eyes shut to hit the high notes, holding one hand in a fist out to her side, and bending down to get the low notes. She holds out a finger when Duffy counts: "One, Two, Three" She dips her head each time Duffy sings "Baby, Baby, Baby" and nods her head vigorously when Duffy fluctuates on the word "Me". When Duffy mmmmmm's she mmmmmm's. When the song is over she takes a bow and waves and blows kisses to her audience. She pretends to receive flowers and waves her thanks to the kind man that gave them to her.

As she is waving her thanks her phone rings scaring her so bad that she jumps. She answers the phone out of breath and tells the caller that she is getting ready and will meet them in an hour. She hangs up with the caller, tells her audience "Thanks for coming out!" and then starts to get ready for her night out on the town.

*Special thanks to Greg Schrage for helping me on posting the song.*

blond devil

My entire body is sore from the spin class yesterday but, here I am walking to my second class, with a smile on my face. I walk to the front desk and take the pen from the lady and sign in under the Yoga Studios name. She smiles and tells me to enjoy my yoga class. I smile back and tell her that I really am enjoying the class I'm taking.

I walk upstairs to the spin class and claim the same bike I had yesterday. I created quite a bond with this bike, being that I rode it hard for over an hour dripping in sweat....ha, sorry. Anyway, I take a seat on the bike and look around at my competition. The class is mostly made up of females, young and old, and many of them look to be in great shape too. This one girl walking toward me even....Oh no! It's the blond from the Yoga Studio! She has found me out! I will never again get to see the hot instructor with sweat running down his face nor will I get the pleasure of seeing his cute little butt as he walks away! I feel the panic rise up in my chest as she gets closer to me. Her eyes zero in on mine and I can see fire light up behind them. Her face is red with anger and she is about to tell me off when we hear a little clap behind us. It's the instructor and he is looking even better today than he did yesterday. The blond turns around to see what the commotion is and she sees him as well. Her mouth drops open as her eyes take in his gorgeous physique. I lean over and close it for her then turn my attention back on the instructor. The blond looks at me and notices the rest of the women in the class and she follows suit. She gets on the bike next to me and turns into a doting high school girl with a crush like everyone else.

At the end of class the instructor comes over and tells me that he is glad to see me again and is happy that I brought a friend. I look at him clueless, because I don't know anyone in the class. He then points to the blond. I smile and pull her next to me and tell him that I just had to get her fat butt in here to help her out. I'm sure she is about to slap me when the instructor starts to laugh. (I made him laugh! YAY!) Then the blond giggles and introduces herself as Lucy. They shake hands and she mentions that they go get a fruit smoothie downstairs because she had some bike questions for him. Then she turns to me, smiles, and tells me she will see me tomorrow.

How dare she walk off with my boyfriend! But then again she did just give me permission to keep using the Yoga Studio's sign in name along with a friendly competition... *eyebrows raised...challenge accecpted*

Sinking...

She hates it the most at night. She used to look forward to coming home; now she dreads the very thought of it. All the memories they made together are there. She can't find a way to escape. She feels like she is drowning in her own home, gasping for breath; but the pull of him is so strong.

She lets the tears flow freely, letting the tears fall may be the only way for her to free herself. For each salty tear she thinks of a memory. One for the first touch, for the first embrace, the first kiss. Tingles run down her spin as she thinks of his lips on hers. Goosebumps form on her arms when she thinks of the times he pulled her close to him in the night. A smile forms on her lips as each memory comes across her mind...as she basks in her thoughts, she slowly starts rising back to the top.

She does this every night. Sinks down to the bottom only to float up again. One day she will stay afloat on her own. But until then, the sweet memories will help her come up for the air she needs.

Spinning out of my mind!

I'm drenched in sweat, I can't feel my legs, and I'm gasping for breath, and I love it! This class is torture, but as long as I can look at the instructor, glistening with sweat, I can endure the pain.

The class is finally over and I try to get off the bike but, my legs start to give out, so I wipe my face off instead. When I look back up the instructor is right there. He tells me that he was watching me and was very impressed at how well I did for my first time. I'm not sure he could see through my already flushed skin but, I blushed. I decided right then that I'm coming back tomorrow. Good thing I was the one that signed us all in, I have the Yoga Studio's code to get in for free! That will teach them to post a picture of me on the Wimp Board! Muhahahaaaa

The break up

"Love hurts. All it gives you is a broken heart. From now on I’m staying away from it.” She says with tears in her eyes. She picks up his shirt he left behind and holds it to her chest. She buries her face in it then throws it against the wall. Slumping to the hard floor she finds comfort in the coolness of the concrete. “I wish the floor would open up and swallow me. Then I wouldn’t have to feel anything again.” Tears stream down her face. She doesn’t bother to wipe them away. Rolling onto her side she puts her hand to the floor. “This feels just like me; cold, broken, and empty. Will this feeling ever go away?” She cries herself to sleep, to wearisome to move from the floor.

Her heart is broken and she feels lost. She doesn't know where to go from here, for her head is clouded by all the dreams he put there. She feels like she has to start over. Build herself a new life. One without him. One she never dreamed of. One she feels will never be good enough, because he won't be in it.

I will be the Yoga Queen...or not...

I walk into that studio with my head held high and make my way to the same open spot as before, right next to the limp blond. She rolls over again to say her hi but then realizes it's me and starts to giggle. Can you believe that? I shake my head and pop my yoga mat out, making her jump on purpose. I let out a small giggle of my own and sit down. We both look at each other for a minute, changeling the other to laugh again. Neither of us let out a peep so we turn back around and start our deep breathing. Before I know it, the blond stands up and hits a gong signaling to the class its time to start.


The blond girl is the teacher? This should be interesting.


She has a note in her hand that she reads to the class...The teacher is sick and invites us to try out the gym across the street, free of charge.


Free of charge means free! I wanted to join that gym in the first place but the prices were to high. This is my chance to check it out without having to fill out all the paperwork and handing over my paycheck! I'm so excited I hop up and practically knock people over to get to the door, I want to be the first one in to see the place.


I open the door and I'm greeted by a trainer that hands me a fee bottled water and a towel. As I'm about to say thank you and take my free goodies graciously, the blond bumps into me and points to the desk. She tells us that we have to sign in under a certain name so that we get the Yoga Studio discount. And that we should follow her upstairs to the only vacant room so that we can start our yoga workout with another teacher.




I head upstairs with everyone and I'm captivated by all the shiny equipment. I don't know what half the stuff is or what it even does, but I want to try it all. As we round the corner we reach the second level. It has all the treadmills and stationary bikes. I see a man with a beard and the most gorgeous, sculpted, and built legs I've ever seen, head over to a small group of people by the bikes. He smiles, revealing pearly white teeth behind his kissable lips, and puts a head set on. He glances at the clock and claps his hands together. With that, everyone jumps on a bike. He turns on some music and I ditch my yoga group to be in his bicycle group. It can't be too hard right?

......

Try, try again....dang it

I'm not a quitter. I never have been. I never will be. This is why I'm going back to that yoga class this morning. I have learned my lesson and now know not to drink coffee on the way there. I filled my water bottle with a cherry lime aide water pack and put it in the freezer last night so I have a nice slushy on my walk to class instead of my usual coffee. And I have to say, it is surprisingly refreshing.

I walk into the studio with renewed confidence. I look around and notice a new board with pictures on it. Thinking it could be pictures to help us newbies learn the yoga moves, I go take a closer look. The board says: "Wimps....will they ever be strong enough?" And the pictures are of various people trying to make a fast get away out of a class, some have tears running down their face, and others.....wait, that one is me! How dare they put a picture of me up there without my consent! I reach up to pluck it off the board and just as my hand touches the corner, the weird receptionist slaps my hand away. I pull my hand close to my chest and give her my meanest look. She just smiles and shakes her finger at me. I start to ask her what the meaning of this is and how can they exploit innocent people when she thrust a piece of paper into my hand. I look at it and down at the very bottom it says: " I hereby grant the Yoga studio to take my picture and post it on the Wimp or Strong board by singing my name on the line below."

Well crap. I look up from the paper and the receptionist has an I told you so look on her face and practically challenges me to run out the door again. I smile at her and shake my head no. I'm no wimp and I'm going to show this studio who is boss.

BOO!

I hear a noise in the stillness of the night. I don’t move just in case something is there. Thunder cracks through the silence and makes me jump. The cover flies over my head and then the noise strikes again. Shaking under the blanket it becomes hard to breath. Squeezing my eyes shut I try and think of happy thoughts. People always tell you to do that, but it never works, I just get more anxious.

The noise hasn’t sounded again and the pitter patter of rain on my window starts to calm me leading me to believe the storm is ending. Another clap of thunder rattles my house, and lightning brightens my room for a split second. I peek out from underneath my covers and look around, but there is nothing there. Then I hear it again.

What can that be? It sounds like someone is trying to break in. It happens right after the thunder for a second or two, as if they are using the thunder as a disguise.

Cautiously I slip the covers off my head and look around my room to see if everything is still in order. My books are still neatly stacked on the shelf, scarves still hanging from the lampshade, socks and shoes still scattered on the floor, and my fan still blowing peacefully in the corner. Seeing that everything is still in order in my room, I take a deep breath and dangle my foot out of bed. The noise sounds again and my foot springs back into bed with my shaking body.

With a trembling hand I make a grab for the pink phone by my bed and try to call my parents’ house. I put the receiver to my ear and start to dial when lightning strikes and wipes out the phone line. The noise sounds again, with a quick bang. Panic overtakes me. Someone is trying to get into my house and I can’t call for help!

That’s it! I’m taking action! All those Tae Bo work out tapes are finally going to be useful! I jump out of bed with scared adrenaline and start punching at the air, going over all the stuff that Billy Blanks taught me on the tape. I say out loud in a strong voice, “Stay stiff and strong. Keep your feet shoulder width apart. Don’t break your movements, keep them strong and steady.” Now I’m pumped and ready to kick some robber ass!

Just as I turn to walk out the door, thunder crashes followed by the banging noise downstairs, I run back to bed and jump under the covers. I let out a scared giggle and force my feet to the floor. With timid steps I walk back and look out. All I see is darkness. Pitch black, hollow darkness. Just then lightning strikes and lights up the hall. That’s when I see a silhouette. I go stiff as a bored and stare at it until I realize it’s the coat rack outside my room. I sigh with relief, and keep peering.

I creep toward the stairs. Thunder claps, then the noise. I run to the bathroom and slam the door behind me. The noise is louder in the hall than it is in my room. I try to turn on the light, but it doesn’t work. I open the door back up and look outside making sure it is clear to go back out.

The stairs are in my sights and I take a step down, thunder crashes. I wait for the bang, but nothing happens. Maybe the guy has made it inside. I run the rest of the way downstairs skipping the last two and doing a high kick move and screaming, ”Hajji!” Amazing enough, I land on my feet.

Standing in a defensive position, I look around, trying to see anything unusual. My purse is still on the kitchen chair, mail still stacked on the table, and dishes are drying in the sink. I go into the front room and see that my pillows are on the couch with my blanket falling off the edge and the rocking chair is still. The bang sounds again while I finish checking the room. I push up against the wall and look around the corner towards the kitchen. I see a shadow outside. I get down on my hands and knees and crawl to the kitchenette. As I put my hands on the table, lightning strikes. I duck back under the table for cover.

I don’t think he can see me, so I try again to get a better look. I peek over the table, and I see his silhouette. I want to scream, but I hold it in so I won’t scare him away. I want this guy caught! I crawl to the window so I can see him. I look out and see nothing. He’s gone!

Lightning ripples across the sky revealing the intruder. I laugh almost uncontrollably at what I see. The wind and my screen door have conspired against me to try and cause me harm. The wind catches the screen door making it bang against the house. I fall to the floor and sigh with relief. I giggle again from embarrassment, then reach out and pull the screen door shut.

I rub my eyes and look at the clock. It’s 3:30 a.m. I realize how tired I am at this point and wearily pull my self back up. Making my way back up stairs to bed I practice my karate chops. I feel happy that I bought those work out tapes and feel a smile touch my lips as I fall into bed. I sleep peacefully knowing that I can save myself from a banging door.

Could be yours!

I hate these ridiculous sandals! Who ever made them should have to walk across fiery hot coals all day; because that would almost be the equivalent to what my feet went through today! I swear I have never been in so much pain!

I got more concerned looks and "Are you OKs?" than I did compliments, actually, that's all I got. And it's because every time I got up to walk, I winced and hunched over in pain. At one point, someone even asked me if I was in labor! Yeah.... you heard right! Someone actually thought my howls of pain were induced by a human life trying to push its way out of my body!

I had to take them off after lunch so my feet could recuperate. I rubbed my poor feet down with Neosporin, put band-aids on, and let them rest until the end of the day. Normally leaving work would be the happiest part of my day, but not today. I was ready to ask my boss if I could stay later just so I wouldn't have to put the sandals back on. But he came over and saw my feet, all cut up, red and swollen and told me to go home.

So I did what I had to do. I put those sandals on like a woman and hobbled to my car. There might have been some blood squirting out through the horrible peek a boo toe, but I held my breath and didn't shed a single tear until I got in my car. Once I was in my car I bawled like the baby I am.

Oh by the way, does anyone need some new summer sandals? I have some really cute ones! As long as you don’t have to actually wear them, they are fabulous! Only $600….

These shoes were made for walkin....

Have you seen the new cute spring sandal? You know the ones I'm talking about, 3 inch heel, strappy, with a peek a boo toe. They come in so many colors too! I think I'll go with a basic color, probably black, so that I can wear them with more of my summer outfits. I saw them online this afternoon and I'm going right after work today to purchase them! They are a bit pricey, OK they cost more than my rent, but they will be totally worth it! They are the sandal that will make all my casual outfits dressy! Of course I'll wear my cute accessories as well, but I mean these shoes are going to be my life saver for the "I feel fat days". For example, lets say I wake up and look in the mirror and notice that the pizza and beer from the night before didn't settle too nicely around my stomach. Without the sandal I would have sulked, and looked for a pair of pants with elastic for that extra stretch around my stomach. With the sandal, I'll just shrug it off and pull out some hot pants and slip my fabulous sandals on. I'll look in the mirror and notice that all the focus goes straight to my feet, not my fat tummy in the slightly too tight pants! See...life saver!

I already have my outfit planned out for tomorrow so I can wear them. I'll let you know how many compliments I get!

Dooms Day

It's Saturday morning and I have everything packed and ready to go. I grab my gym bag and cup of coffee and head out the door. As I'm walking to class I feel really good, no funny feeling in my tummy and no weird noises going on. That's a good sign right? I finish off my coffee and toss my cup in the trash before I walk inside.
At the counter I sign my name on the sheet that is marked beginners. I look up at the girl behind the counter and wait for her to tell me what to do next. She smiles at me.....I smile back at her. Her smile widens and keeps widening making her cheeks poof up and her eyes disappear behind her round framed glasses. I look around to see if anyone else finds this as weird as I do. No one seems to notice so I clear my throat and ask her where I need to go. Her smile dissipates and she points to the only other room in the building. I nod and jog to the door with my head down and cheeks burning from embarrassment.
I walk into the room and see that everyone has their yoga mat spread out and doing what I think is deep breathing. I find a spot open in the back next to a blond girl who is laying flat on her back with all her limbs spread out around her. I snap open my mat and it makes a loud popping sound, which makes the blond jump. She rolls on to her side and smiles up at me lazily. I smile back and give an apologetic wave and then plop down on my mat next to her. She rolls back over and I hear what could possibly be a small fart. I look at her and she doesn't acknowledge that anything happened so I shrug it off as a sound her mat made when she rolled over.
I start to relax, close my eyes, and begin deep breathing like everyone else. Then it happens. My stomach gurgles. My eyes pop open. It gurgles again and I can feel it try to make its way out! NO! My morning coffee habit has ruined me! I didn't even think when I was chugging down my coffee! I'm not at ease with my gas like the blond girl. I can't just let it go without giggling or trying to pass it off as someones fart besides my own. So I do the only thing I could do. I grab my stuff and sprint all the way home.
I always did think running was a better exercise!

Dressed to Impress

I went out and bought some new yoga gear last night. I got a pair of those tight yoga pants and a sports bra, it's what the website recommended to get. I also bought a new mat, gym bag, towel and water bottle. That way I will feel confident when I walk into the studio. And if,well lets face it, when I do fart, at least I know I will do it looking good. My plan is to drink water all day today and to stay away from broccoli. To at least cut down on the gas. It's going to be hard too because I just made some veggie dip.

Wish me luck!

Yoga

Have you ever been afraid to try something new for fear you will utterly embarrass yourself? That is how I feel about yoga. I have wanted to take a class for quite some time now but haven't gone for fear that I would fart mid pose and clear the room out. I have done research and even asked yoga masters if there have been accidental gas releases during class. All the answers I have found led me to believe that this is a natural occurrence. Even the yoga masters that I have talked to said there is nothing to worry about. They say that the class is so focused on the movements that no one notices the gas.
They obviously have not heard or smelt any of my farts, especially after I have eaten broccoli. Any way, after talking to many yoga goers, I have convinced myself to take a class. They say that the benefits from doing yoga far out weigh my little fear of embarrassment. Lets hope they are right.

I signed up for a class that starts Saturday morning. I'll let you know how it goes....

My book

My favorite author has just started a new series and the first book comes out today. I have been at the book store for over an hour looking for it but, it’s no where in sight. I feel like I’m on a scavenger hunt and have to find all the clues before I get the prize.

1. Locate book store. Check.

2. Find the Fiction section of the book store. Check.

3. Once you are in the Fiction section, and have located the R’s for the author’s name you will find the book missing, at this point, find a Sales Associate.

I’m stuck on number three. Apparently there is no one working today. The only person I see is the young teenage girl serving coffee in the coffee shop. I start to walk around pretending to know where I’m going, hoping that I will accidentally find the book.

Ok seriously, if you don’t have the book you should really take down the posters telling everyone that you do! And if you won’t take the posters down it would be really nice to have at least one sales person to let people know that you are out of the book! I mean come on! I am leaving this book store! They will never get my money again! Wait, is that, oh my gosh! There it is on a display and only one copy is left! I take off in a skip/run. Out of the corner of my eye I see another girl running towards the display. I pick my pace up and break into a full sprint. I have to have this book! I reach out my hand to grab it just as she swings her massive purse to knock my hand away. The surprise attack of her bag knocks me off my feet and I fall to the ground right in front of the display. I look up to see her picking up the book with a smile on her face. “NO!” I hear myself shout. She looks down surprised to see me on the floor.

“Oh my goodness, are you alright?”

I start to pout but then remember I’m not a five year old. “Yeah” I realize I’m still sprawled out on the floor. She offers her hand to help me up. I stand up straighten my shirt, “This is my favorite author and I have been looking for this book for over an hour.” I tell her with a pleasant smile hoping she will feel bad and hand over the book. She doesn’t. Instead she says, “Really? Me too! How crazy is that? I was just about to leave when I saw the display and ran over here like a mad woman.” I give her a half hearted laugh. She says to me, “Look I’m really sorry about knocking you over. I didn’t even realize I did it until you yelled. I feel so bad.” She rummages through her massive purse and pulls out a card. “Here let me make it up to you. I’m late for a meeting now, but call me and I’ll buy you a coffee.”

I look at the card and back at her. Does she think this is a consolation prize for the book? “Thanks. I’ll give you a call.” Yeah right I think.

“Great!” She walks off with my book in her hand. I feel the tears start to build up behind my eyes as I realize I have to wait for the next shipment to come in before I get the book. I start to walk away feeling defeated when I hear, “Miss? There are more books on the other side of the display.” I turn around to see the teenage coffee girl pointing to the other side. I give her a hug and grab the book. Now it’s officially the best day ever!