Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Try, try again....dang it

I'm not a quitter. I never have been. I never will be. This is why I'm going back to that yoga class this morning. I have learned my lesson and now know not to drink coffee on the way there. I filled my water bottle with a cherry lime aide water pack and put it in the freezer last night so I have a nice slushy on my walk to class instead of my usual coffee. And I have to say, it is surprisingly refreshing.

I walk into the studio with renewed confidence. I look around and notice a new board with pictures on it. Thinking it could be pictures to help us newbies learn the yoga moves, I go take a closer look. The board says: "Wimps....will they ever be strong enough?" And the pictures are of various people trying to make a fast get away out of a class, some have tears running down their face, and others.....wait, that one is me! How dare they put a picture of me up there without my consent! I reach up to pluck it off the board and just as my hand touches the corner, the weird receptionist slaps my hand away. I pull my hand close to my chest and give her my meanest look. She just smiles and shakes her finger at me. I start to ask her what the meaning of this is and how can they exploit innocent people when she thrust a piece of paper into my hand. I look at it and down at the very bottom it says: " I hereby grant the Yoga studio to take my picture and post it on the Wimp or Strong board by singing my name on the line below."

Well crap. I look up from the paper and the receptionist has an I told you so look on her face and practically challenges me to run out the door again. I smile at her and shake my head no. I'm no wimp and I'm going to show this studio who is boss.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


I hear a noise in the stillness of the night. I don’t move just in case something is there. Thunder cracks through the silence and makes me jump. The cover flies over my head and then the noise strikes again. Shaking under the blanket it becomes hard to breath. Squeezing my eyes shut I try and think of happy thoughts. People always tell you to do that, but it never works, I just get more anxious.

The noise hasn’t sounded again and the pitter patter of rain on my window starts to calm me leading me to believe the storm is ending. Another clap of thunder rattles my house, and lightning brightens my room for a split second. I peek out from underneath my covers and look around, but there is nothing there. Then I hear it again.

What can that be? It sounds like someone is trying to break in. It happens right after the thunder for a second or two, as if they are using the thunder as a disguise.

Cautiously I slip the covers off my head and look around my room to see if everything is still in order. My books are still neatly stacked on the shelf, scarves still hanging from the lampshade, socks and shoes still scattered on the floor, and my fan still blowing peacefully in the corner. Seeing that everything is still in order in my room, I take a deep breath and dangle my foot out of bed. The noise sounds again and my foot springs back into bed with my shaking body.

With a trembling hand I make a grab for the pink phone by my bed and try to call my parents’ house. I put the receiver to my ear and start to dial when lightning strikes and wipes out the phone line. The noise sounds again, with a quick bang. Panic overtakes me. Someone is trying to get into my house and I can’t call for help!

That’s it! I’m taking action! All those Tae Bo work out tapes are finally going to be useful! I jump out of bed with scared adrenaline and start punching at the air, going over all the stuff that Billy Blanks taught me on the tape. I say out loud in a strong voice, “Stay stiff and strong. Keep your feet shoulder width apart. Don’t break your movements, keep them strong and steady.” Now I’m pumped and ready to kick some robber ass!

Just as I turn to walk out the door, thunder crashes followed by the banging noise downstairs, I run back to bed and jump under the covers. I let out a scared giggle and force my feet to the floor. With timid steps I walk back and look out. All I see is darkness. Pitch black, hollow darkness. Just then lightning strikes and lights up the hall. That’s when I see a silhouette. I go stiff as a bored and stare at it until I realize it’s the coat rack outside my room. I sigh with relief, and keep peering.

I creep toward the stairs. Thunder claps, then the noise. I run to the bathroom and slam the door behind me. The noise is louder in the hall than it is in my room. I try to turn on the light, but it doesn’t work. I open the door back up and look outside making sure it is clear to go back out.

The stairs are in my sights and I take a step down, thunder crashes. I wait for the bang, but nothing happens. Maybe the guy has made it inside. I run the rest of the way downstairs skipping the last two and doing a high kick move and screaming, ”Hajji!” Amazing enough, I land on my feet.

Standing in a defensive position, I look around, trying to see anything unusual. My purse is still on the kitchen chair, mail still stacked on the table, and dishes are drying in the sink. I go into the front room and see that my pillows are on the couch with my blanket falling off the edge and the rocking chair is still. The bang sounds again while I finish checking the room. I push up against the wall and look around the corner towards the kitchen. I see a shadow outside. I get down on my hands and knees and crawl to the kitchenette. As I put my hands on the table, lightning strikes. I duck back under the table for cover.

I don’t think he can see me, so I try again to get a better look. I peek over the table, and I see his silhouette. I want to scream, but I hold it in so I won’t scare him away. I want this guy caught! I crawl to the window so I can see him. I look out and see nothing. He’s gone!

Lightning ripples across the sky revealing the intruder. I laugh almost uncontrollably at what I see. The wind and my screen door have conspired against me to try and cause me harm. The wind catches the screen door making it bang against the house. I fall to the floor and sigh with relief. I giggle again from embarrassment, then reach out and pull the screen door shut.

I rub my eyes and look at the clock. It’s 3:30 a.m. I realize how tired I am at this point and wearily pull my self back up. Making my way back up stairs to bed I practice my karate chops. I feel happy that I bought those work out tapes and feel a smile touch my lips as I fall into bed. I sleep peacefully knowing that I can save myself from a banging door.